23.4.11

alright for fighting

okay, so it's Saturday again. what have i been doing this week? answering emails with copypasta, throwing up a lot, coding a new peer matching protocol for my advanced* peer-to-peer system Thistledown because the old one was made of wood, trying and failing to stay up all night to reset my fucked-up sleep cycle (i'm nocturnal. i'm starting to think there isn't anything i can do that will change that, including a fortnight of going to bed at 10pm with hot fucking milk drinks, and the worst thing is my psychiatrist pretty much said the same thing Wednesday.) the all-nighters are also a failed bulwark against the deluges of psychotic images i get when MD isn't here and i'm nearly asleep, and the nightmares i get once i am. worrying about bills. trying to get exempted for council tax. attempting to persuade the student loans people to refinance me next year.

i'll let you know when i do something of value.

mr. searchy man: no. it doesn't matter that you are not the same guy as before. i am just as unavailable as if i were a married Christian hetero with a nice gold ring on my finger, you get me? there is absolutely no difference in the type of commitment we are talking about here. get your arse to plentyoffish.

L




* "It's not broken - it's advaaanced."

11 comments:

Ian said...

ha, nice. it's great to know that there are people even more pathetic than i at romance...

mr. searchy man said...

doh! i was hoping you would recognize it as a joke. i guess i forgot to include an ascii representation of me deviously smiling while i was writing that >:-D

Mr.Babbage said...

Who wants this one?
The rest of you get in line...

Ben said...

Good to hear you're starting to get your life back in (some sort of) order.

Max said...

Well, look at it from this point of view: a scientific study (about the most generic thing one can say) has turned up evidence that nocturnal people tend to be the more intelligent people. I recently had a discussion with a friend of mine who has just as much of a problem going to bed before 4 am as I do, and we pretty much agreed that the day should be at least 30 days long.

Have you maybe considered that maybe the reason you can't, or don't want to sleep, is because of those nightmares you mentioned? I'm pretty far away from what you could call an expert, but that does sound kind of plausible...

FLUXXED said...

Resetting a fucked up sleep cycle. Dealing with council tax and student finance.. sounds worryingly similar to the last few perplexing months of my own life :/

Shiprat said...

L, probably stupid question to someone who knows more than me, but; have you tried melatonin for you sleep cycle?

I have been unable to maintain a sleep cycle for my entire life regardless of working, sleeping, exercising habits and all that shit.

At the hospital i was always told that what i needed to do was take care of myself and balance my life and (surprise surprise) if i couldn't do that myself they could prescribe my antidepressants.

Read something about melatonin on the internets and nagged them into prescribing me some, and for the first time ever i got to experience what it's like to get sleepy when it's dark, sleep without waking all the time and then wake automatically in the morning because the sun came up.

Worth looking into.

crypto said...

good luck with the sleep thing...i'm forced to regularly switch to random sleep schedules because of work.

looking forward to future work

Skeptikos said...

There's a book called Why We Get Sick: The New Science of Darwinian Medicine, that I think you might find helpful. (In regards both to implant stuff and personal stuff.)

I was surprised, while reading this, at how much Darwinian medicine had to offer. Also surprised that the ideas weren't obvious to me before-- they follow pretty straightforwardly from the basic Darwinian logic.

Anyway, there's nothing implant-specific in the book, but it seems that the general framework would be useful. And a portion of the book is devoted to psychological issues-- with even a brief section on insomnia, which has been helpful for me at times.

Anonymous said...

>coding a new peer matching protocol for my advanced* peer-to-peer system Thistledown because the old one was made of wood

H1 L! I also trying to code p2p network now. And its not ok. I'm coding it in python and it looks like bullshit.
https://github.com/E1ephant/shminternetz_on_pedalz
Could you tell me more about what you're coding?

D

tonehog said...

Not sure if you can get these at local chemists in UK, but I use 10mg melatonin time-release: 5mg instant, 5mg t.r. Does a good job if I need to get to sleep early.