15.1.12

crisis averted

erm, sorry about that last post there. it did let up after a while and i was able to sleep after trying the whole (Internet videos + hot bath with sleeping aid oils) thing suggested here. i'm pretty sure the cause is just stress since my first exam is tomorrow, the rest all happen in the same week and i am totally unprepared for any of them. i guess at least it gets them all out of the way quickly. after they're done i can start focusing on what to do about housing.

regarding "get to a psychiatrist rite nao!!!", i already have one and his office is shut at 2am no matter how crazy i am. i didn't want to call NHS 24 after the result i got last time, which was the on-duty staff insinuating that i was a crackhead, refusing to believe that i wasn't in treatment for heroin use, and repeatedly telling me they would not give me any morphine or methadone (i had not asked for any kind of drugs). i will let Dr. D know what went down when i see him next on the 24th.

i really appreciate the comments from people trying to help, too. it helps to know people are out there and they're not all judgmental dicks. there's not a whole lot of people i can call or whatnot when this kind of shit happens - my parents are too far away to do anything about it, so all it would do would be scare the crap out of them for no reason, and i didn't wanna wake either them or my one other friend Feoa up at that hour of the morning just to listen to Cracky McGee blabber on about shadows and imaginary singalong time.

gotta go "revise" now, but will be connected for the rest of tonight up through the morning if anyone writes back. carpe corporem

L

10 comments:

Mostyn Darko said...

*bows* Glad to know i may have helped a little.
Its always scary when something is happening that really 'shouldn't' be happening. Let alone the feeling that your on your own and you cant ask anyone for help about it.
Good luck with the exams and all =P

Motoko Kolster said...

lepht. i'm sorry, i wish i had heard sooner. we have a very bad problem. both of us. and a third person who you've probably heard of... i tell you in private...

raulduke1011 said...

Good luck with the crazy. We all have our own version of it. Thank you for the blog though as you are one unique individual and I fucking dig you.

Anonymous said...

There's nothing to be sorry for. If posting helps you then post! There are people listening, even if we're a day or two delayed. We care and don't think its foolish, a joke, or boring. I'm glad you're feeling better now.

Naib said...

(whoops, forgot to sign the above post)

Usul said...

You know where to find us if you need a chat. But I suppose most of us are technically even further away than your parents, so, erhm, I suppose our contributions are somewhat limited as well. Still, the offer stands!

nuri said...

i've only read these posts now, but i just wanted to let you know, that i think it's fucking brave of you the way you try to handle your troubles.

hang in there.

oh, something else, which might come in handy next time you get a spell like that: i've been experimenting with some mild auto-suggestion [y'know, chaos magick sigil bla bla bla] and found that meditating on that premise gives me a pretty good handle on my sensory reality. perhaps that can work for you, too, in times of stress.

feoa said...

I was awake :p. You can always call me - if i'm sleeping my phone will be on silent. So I'd only be picking up if I was awake anyway. You know my sleep cycle is fucked - so next time just try me?
I miss you by the way

Anonymous said...

After a period of 10 years or so of chronic drug abuse I had to go on Zyprexa for a while before treating my bipolar with more traditional SSRI's and it helped my mild psychotic effects. Since then I have used SSRI's for the last 6 or 7 years. I firmly beleive that zyprexa helped me at that time and may be worth looking into for you....Rock,on lepht...

Christopherdphm said...

I was awake :p. You can always call me - if i'm sleeping my phone will be on silent. So I'd only be picking up if I was awake anyway. You know my sleep cycle is fucked - so next time just try me? I miss you by the way