not forgetting

this is the kind of thing i really can't forget if i'm gonna get anywhere in life in this state. i write this more for myself than anyone else, though it's probably decent advice for anyone.

yeah, i'm broken, so to speak. i can't go a day without taking pills unless i wanna limit myself to one room's movement because it hurts too fucking much to walk around, and when i do take them, they periodically knock me out at my terminal. i throw up in public litter bins, i piss blood, i fall off my chair in tutorials; my skin's bleached and blemished and my sleep cycle is almost nonexistent. i can't manage twenty pressups. i'm not a healthy human being.

but i'd give health up every time. i'd give up the ability to walk in order to see what anyone with intelligence can see; i'd give up anything my body could offer. whatever happens to me, no matter how many times i think, man i don't wanna live like this my whole life, i'd never do anything else. if this is how i gotta live, so be it.

i ain't gonna forget that.


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[pls no ask about the vodka. debate is always welcome. remember, Tramadol fucks you up]