"chronic pain patient"

essentially means "write-off" in the NHS, it turns out. that's what i just got classified as. about eight months of waiting on the pain clinic will lead you to a consultation, where if you're not allowed drugs for whatever reason (even if the said reason is sitting happily in its office convinced it's doing the right thing and can't be argued with) and placebo therapies don't work on you, they tell you to fuck off.

turns out the NHS has a policy for chronic pain patients that involves "self pain regulation", which, as the consultant anaesthesiologist explained, means that whatever you were doing to manage the pain before you saw a doctor in the first place is written down on your file as your treatment. my physiotherapist having given up on me a couple months before i got referred to these pain control guys (phoned me up and in a weird sort of Dear John call told me it wasn't working and there was no point making any more appointments), she proceeded to write down "physio exercises", told me to relax more, then promptly discharged me from the unit. so now i got no painkillers, no other method of pain control, no pain doc, no physiotherapist and no treatment - shit, i mean "self-regulated treatment".

i wouldn't be so pissed if i was in my last couple decades of life. but i'm twenty years old. the anaesthesiologist said herself that most people with chronic mechanical back pain going on are sixty, seventy, and that "most of them learn to live with the pain, so it does sort of get better". yeah, that's a cure lady, leave them to live out what's left of their days in pain, they'll get used to it. at least if you're 85 you get opiates on tap, an option that isn't available to twenty-year-old addicts with tattoos and piercings. i gotta "relax more".

in short, fuck the NHS. i'd be able to fucking "relax" if i wasn't in pain, you bastards.

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[pls no ask about the vodka. debate is always welcome. remember, Tramadol fucks you up]