to the CCTV operators:

yes, it is i you see march into the laboratory foyer at 1639 determined to grab a Snickers. it is i you see shoving coins into the vendi and kicking it when it doesn't work, and it is also i who can then be observed using a high-grade Southord C2010 pick set to get both the coins i lost and the coins everyone else lost outta the damn slot where they're all stuck. for the three minutes or so it takes me to do that, you may also observe three security guards walk right past me, one of whom stops and immediately walks away after i give him the explanation (and i quote) "Locksmith."

and that is why i am now £5.25 richer, and also have both Snickers and much less confidence in you guys. i mean, you're in the damn lab building, for fuck's sake.

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[pls no ask about the vodka. debate is always welcome. remember, Tramadol fucks you up]