begging hat

my sincerest apologies if i inadvertently appeared to be a scam by not claiming funds via PayPal - i forgot you had to do that. i cannot thank you all enough for flinging a few quid this way here and there (or a whole lot of quid, as it may be) - i literally have nothing right now and it's fucking amazing to suddenly have even a little bit of funds for food and fags. i am kind of a massive burden on my parents and it sucks to live in someone's spare room and not even be able to feed yourself.

on the benefits front, i duly applied, sent lots of data and got a nice letter in the post. dear hacker, we cannot pay you benefits. it doesn't even say why - under the "why" section it just says "we cannot pay you". i don't even know if i'm eligible for some other shit, or what - the guy on the phone sure as hell didn't think i was. i guess i'm gonna have to find a way into the nearest city to get to a physical job centre or something, i dunno.

emo or not, the colder it gets, the more i just miss Muad-Dib. i'd give up anything for a chance to be back with him.


Dan Campbell said...


Thanks so much, for letting us know you're ok.

Well, not really ok, but at least still breathing and doing a little better.

I have no idea of your situation or how difficult things it is to do things that seem simple to us.

But my off-the-cuff thought is, if you have the chance to head into the city, maybe you'll meet someone who can help you forget about M.D. Or perhaps there are other opportunities out there.

Well, take care, as much as possible. Good luck.

Lepht said...

thanks Dan. although i do wish people would stop calling me "Lep". sounds like it's short for "leper". :]

as for the city, it's unfortunately quite difficult to get into Bristol. i'm in a big village about 30km out from the city's outermost suburbs and maybe 40 from the actual city core, and i can't drive (ran out of money trying to learn owing to being a fucking shit driver and then got banned from driving legally anyway cause of syncope & seizures). there's a bus line that goes into the city but it costs seven quid a journey, so that's usually out unless i can skank the money off someone, and if i throw up or pass out on the bus i'm fucked so i need to take someone with me - you get the picture. it's not impossible - been out a few times with my nan - but i can't get in there on an ad-hoc basis, it's gotta be a planned trip. any kind of relationship there would more or less be long-distance, i'm not up for that.

didn't actually manage to get to sleep last night, woke up this morning to mum's pet miniature Dachshund having shat on the kitchen floor (i think it is ill). happy fucking days.


Lock said...

Great to hear from you again Lepht, even if it's hard to read about the shit you're going through.
I'll try to help you as much as my budget permits with the funds. If it weren't for the geographical details I'd fetch you some ice cream aswell.
Hope things get a little better for you soon. You know where to find us if you need anything.

Dan Campbell said...

Yep, figured a city trip might be a hassle for you, at times.

Well, once again, you helped me appreciate my situation, and be thankful. A mild bad weather day, with icing on the windshield, was annoying this morning.

But after hearing about your little wake-up incident, I feel much better.

Thank you, ma'am.

Anyway, it's good to hear you had a good night's sleep.

Anonymous said...

It's weird - I saw a video of your presentation on some H+ convetion, where you talked about your finger implants, and then I forgot about you for several years.
Your nickname somehow appeared in a conversation with my friend a month or two ago, and here I am (divine planning, top lel).

Anyways, I wish to be what I call "threshing machine" at all times - nevermind the bollocks, work your way to a solution, considering everything as a math problem. Or programming one. Or RPG-like one.

I threw a glance on your posts under the tag "programming" and assumed you have some skills in IT sphere. If it's way too hard to travel to the city (I can imagine that) to find a job, isn't it worth a shot to find some online tech job with low demands? I think one could make some money here and there that way. (And you can throw up as much as you have to).

Didn't mean to be intrusive, this is actually my way of being nice.
Also exсuse my probably broken English.

Lanira CR said...

Hey, I just fell unto your blog.
Sucks to be you right now, hope you get better.
Maybe you should do interesting stuff again to recover.
When I try to see posts with label H+, none are displayed. Is that a bug?
You inspire me, in some ways.

(Relationship are over-rated. Ever tried Lisp? Learning could take your mind off things.)

Anonymous said...

Fairy 13: uh oh, ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ only 13 days to go, uh oh and love will become flesh, uh oh, welcome the lord of love, uh oh ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥, reign of love, uh oh ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥, love becomes flesh, uh oh, kill all hate, uh oh, a world without hate, uh oh welcome my love, ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ we welcome the love, uh oh, join the love, uh oh, :) [#10 - 2013-12-11 02:33:35 - Link]
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥: Recieving data transmitted to heart interface, recieving data from fairy space, request to open heart accepted, very old decryption key code sequence still valid, heart is opening, soul connected to Fairy 7, receiving data, "love will become flesh, uh oh" *error*, "let's make a light in the dark, uh oh" *error*, receiving encryption keys, very very very old keys still valid, Fairy 7 request to "spread the love, uh oh" *error*, "words will become flesh, uh oh" *error*, accepting request, preparing to spread love, inappropriate request *error*, override, *error*, preparing to spread love, *error*, inappropriate request, *OVERRIDE*, request accepted, establishing permanent connection to Fairy 7 ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Unqualified to speak said...

Hey, boss, a few questions:
1) regards visitors - I've to visit the UK in the New Year, and flying into Bristol wouldn't change things much. Up for meeting up, or do I fly into Gatwick instead?
2) It's the same bank account as before in the red, yeah?
3) Money orders or cash - AKA, how much do you trust your postman? ",)

Lepht said...

Lock - cheers mate.

anon - i was actually most of the way through a programming degree before i decided to take up a career of vomiting instead, so yeah it's a possibility. not reliable enough for that kind of responsibility right now though.

Lanira - yeah i'm not a massive fan of Lisp, and yeah i think that is a bug there. i'm not getting it on this end, are you still having trouble?

fairy uh oh anon - um. i dunno whether you're attempting to come on to me or writing some kind of acid-fuelled cybersex poem, but that was rather creepy.

Unq - although you'd be one of the few people i'd be up for meeting, one of my mama's conditions of putting up the address etc. was no house visitors & i don't actually know where i'm gonna be in the new year - bad idea methinks.
it is indeed the same shitty bank account as it's always been. i dunno if sending cash is a good idea anywhere, having been indoctrinated from the age of three with my great-grandma's warnings about how she sent a tenner to my mam once in the post and the dirty bastards nicked it and it never got there. on the other hand, my Doll-Doll is 92 and signs emails "please reply by return of post", so it might not be the most accurate of advice. cheers anyway though sib, munch money is always appreciated. i just don't want people thinking like they've got to do it, yeah? i'm still trying to appeal for some benefits and that.


Dan Campbell said...

Good to hear from you again, Lepht.

TRY to get some sleep, and avoid stepping where Mr. D. might have been hanging out.

That's actually some good advice. A good night's sleep, can make a difference.

What works for me, is getting to sleep early, like 9 or 9:30 pm. But it also helps to shut off things like the computer, and anything that might 'wire you up', by 8 pm.

And then get up early, even if you have to go back to sleep, later in the morning.

So, if you somehow got into the habit (assuming it is possible, in your situation) of getting into bed by 9:30, and you woke up at 5 am, make sure you IMMEDIATELY get up & do something. If you stay up the rest of the day, fine. If you get sleepy again at 6:30 or 7, you're almost guaranteed a really great nap, possibly with an hyperactive rem cycle & some lucid dreaming.

Anyway, that's what works for me, most of the time.

Keep us updated, Lepht, when you have time. I get a kick out of reading some of your postings.

Lanira CR said...

Lepht - Yeah, I still can't see all posts with H+ tag. I can still see them by reading all posts though.
It's probably just me; I'm in China right now, and I use a VPN based in the US. (can't access blogspot without the VPN)
Anybody in the US having the same issue? I tried with several other browsers, of course.

Dan Campbell said...


It isn't just you. Just tried to see the H+ posts, with chrome and firefox, but no success.

You're in China? My wife is Chinese. We were just writing up the flyer for a tai chi style class she's teaching in 2014.

Lisp - not an expert at it, but played with NewLisp for a spell. Richard Stallman also recommended Lisp, in one of his presentations.

Currently, I'm exploring Setlx for non-office projects. It's an interesting set-based language, that has features from both Lisp & Prolog. And it's open-source, of course.

As far as relationships being overrated, there's certainly some truth in that. It can't be recommended to everyone. All I can say is, marrying my wife, was the single best decision I ever made.

Unqualified to speak said...

I saw the parental restriction - I meant we could meet up in a coffee shop or something. If there's a chance you'll be moving elsewhere we'll leave it. If I end up coming through Bristol anyway (handier flights or something - weirder things have happened) I'll give you a shout, just in case, but no expectations.

I got the same indoctrination - thus the question about money orders. It's ok; I think I've found a solution. And "those that have volunteered to help, this is how" is pretty much the opposite to obligating people to help, I'd say.

Good luck with the benefits applications; Cameron & co. are absolute pricks, so I fear you may need it...

Dan Campbell said...

Unqualified is right, Lepht. You haven't demanded anything, or pulled a guilt trip on anyone. In fact, the main thing that you've done, is inspire people.

There's nothing wrong with asking for help.

Dodo said...

Hey there Lepht

I'm hoping you had a pleasant christmas, for what it's worth. Anyway, I tried contacting you regarding donations, but failed. My email most likely got buried among the electronic tidal wave that probably hit your inbox, and I'm apparently too stupid to figure out how to do international texting on my new phone.

Fortunately, my question is simple enough that I can ask it through here: what size do you wear, mate? I intend to send you some warm clothes through a friend of mine that lives in Manchester, but I have no grasp of either your size and women's clothing size in general (which always seems to be way shorter than I anticipate).

I'll probably give her money to send you some hoodies, but if there is anything in particular you might need just name it in the reply and I'll try to get it.

Take care, and good luck sorting things out

Dan Campbell said...

Lepht, please let us know you're ok, when you have a chance.

Lock said...


It made a few tweets yesterday, if you haven't seen them yet. Still not keen on claiming money on PayPal it seems, but alive and hopefully, well.

Dan Campbell said...

Yep, saw the tweets, and responded with my DECQuine alias.

She's already collected some of the Paypal donations, so that works ok.

So now, we just stayed tuned, until Lepht says she's doing much better, has a job or benefits, and a new boyfriend. Fingers crossed.

Unqualified to speak said...

Seriously folk, Lepht's not a "she", can we please stop the misgendering?
(References for newbies: http://sapiensanonym.blogspot.ie/2010/03/faq.html, http://sapiensanonym.blogspot.ie/2010/11/holy-shit-you-guize.html?showComment=1290091616948)

Dan Campbell said...

Sure UQ, if Lepht complains, I'll be happy to stop calling her 'she', thanks.

Anonymous said...

Hi Lepht


Did you see that? Someone is faking you cause you've wrote you would never have a facebook account.

Anonymous said...

Hi Lepht


Did you see that? Someone is faking you cause you've written you would never have a facebook account.

Anonymous said...

Hi Anon, you did notice (I presume) that on that page it says:

(re: www.facebook.com/lephtanonym)

"Public Figure"
"This is a public page, if you want Lepht to read your comments write them at:

and also the explanation in the comments of the first post on that page:

"this page is a public page, Anytime there's a common topic - Facebook generates pages automatically unless someone creates an actual page themselves. This page was created so that no-one can hijack the facebook address/identity of our favorite biohacker. Lepht is not very fond of fb, but there still is a tremendous amount of intrest in it on fb. This page is here to steer people in the right direction. (Twitter & the Blog). If you want Lepht to read your comment, please post it there. "

You see, whenever enough people search for something on facebook - facebook automatically creates an actual page for that subject, public person, etc. That's what happened with


A page like that is mostly useless. Ok, completely useless and what's worse is that it's possible for someone to post/write something disagreeable on that page and some would think it's authentic.

I noticed that the facebook.com/lephtanonym address was not used by anyone - so I decided to create a public page for Lepht. I sent Lepht a message about it.

Anyone registering that page could have used that page to impersonate Lepht or put falsities on that page.

If at a later time Lepht changes its mind about using facebook - it's quite trivial to change ownership of that page to Lepht. It's just as trivial to disable a page if that's what Lepht wants, although then the "auto-generated" facebook page would still be there as facebook owns it and it cannot be disabled.

The page is one of over a dozen pages I manage. Whenever I notice an update on the blog by lepht - I post a link to it on that page. Currently 23 people are following it.


Dan Campbell said...

Ah, that was funny, Lepht.

Seriously, I'm having a great laugh over it.

Get better, keep us updated.

duneo said...

I'm a bit confused by that statement Dan.


Dan Campbell said...


Sorry, it was just something silly that Lepht said.

Motoko Kolster said...

lev--ht sorry can't read everything right now was attacked During suicide attempt an was vegetable for a day or so!!! (see coil song on musick ii for ironic stupidity lolz) back to normal accidentally wrote 'notmal' jungisn slip? presents still to be sent amongst setbacks must get to post office in polaar axis snowshit. must also reassemble past. Memento more I. that ones from speech to text. now that's a Jungian slip. Same address?

Dan Campbell said...

I just re-read your Broken post, from September 5th. Whew, I had forgotten how bad things were, and that it's extremely difficult for you to respond to all of our messages and concerns.

Well, do what you can, and keep us updated on the blog, both good news and bad news. If you're inclined, let us know what type of donations you prefer the most.

Most of us aren't friends or family, but we nevertheless genuinely care about your well-being, L.A. The day that you report a long-term loving relationship, daily nutrition, and treatment for your psychological issues, is a day I'm taking off, to celebrate.

Motoko Kolster said...

by the way, which kind of onanism are you referring to? i don't get the reference.

Anonymous said...

Motoko Kolster wrote:
> by the way, which kind of onanism
> are you referring to?

Dan Campbell said...

Did anything happen to L.A.? Is she ok?

nobrains said...

get well, lepht. try to stay warm. i'll try to hurl some blat in your direction when i can.


p.s. considering send you all that shit my ex-girlfriend left at my place six months ago when she moved out, i hope you like desks.

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