zen and tau

i have no idea where i got the idea that the Greek letter tau represents the concept of oneness (Dune?) but those two little one-syllable mantras have been revolving around my head all fucking day. this is, obviously, because i am a fuckup whose zen and tau have gone out the fucking window.

i'm trying incredibly hard not to be self-pitying here. i have free meds, on a state healthcare plan (albeit one that makes me wait to see the fucking doctor until the receptionists have gone home and the cleaners are hoovering around my sorry ass, i shit you not) and i've yet to go completely psychotic. plus, they seem to be keeping the acid flashbacks down. but i'm really not having fun with these fuckers. i missed a lot of important shit today. my sense of calm has fucking vanished.

zen, tau, it'll all come back. i'm just kinda fucked until it does.

L